Any Embalmers, Morticians, Or Funeral Directors

If an adult decides to get braces on their teeth, but then suddenly dies, are the braces removed before the viewing and the mouth sewed closed? What if I want to have a smile in my casket? Would a funeral home grant such a request? I don't have braces, but I have friends that have decided to get them in their 30's. I'm just trying to help them with the off chance that they die and want to be shown with a happy expression at their funeral..... just not metal mouthed.

most original names........ or a slap in the face of progress???

My friend Michelle was talking to me a few weeks ago about horrible names people have. I've seen quite a few over the past few years, but all I could say is wow when she told me this story.

Her mother is a foster care provider who took in two twin boys from the Bronx (her mom lives on Long Island). Their names were pronounced "O-ron-ja-lo" and "La-man-ja-lo". Strange enough names in and of themselves. But then she told me how they were spelled.

Orangejello

Lemonjello

Oh God, please kill the stupid people that infest this world with their idiot speak that they try to hide as creativity.

Regarding the handling of illness

If you ever happen to be in a situation where you are sick with both nausea and diarrhea, please, use this advice. If given the moment where you have to decide whether to vomit in the toilet or spray your intestinal goo in it, for gods sake, sit on the toilet and shit. Vomit on the floor. Remember, if you are sitting on the toilet, you can at least try to aim your vomit between your legs and get some into the toilet. If you are the other way around, you will get all your vomit in the toilet, but the diarrhea spatter will either be all over your pants, underwear, legs, and maybe even back, or even worse, if your pants were already down, all over the floors, walls, etc......

Until today I didn't know

Until today I didn't know my body could ingest, process, and expel food in less than an hour. But now I know it is with the help of Circle K.

Booger in the dressing room

nothing

I should have talked terrorist.

Nice.

Look at what the old lady is buying this beautiful sunday morning before church. Tissues, water, bananas, and....... wait a second..... is that........... IT IS!!! A 40 oz. of Olde English Malt Liquor!!!!