Monday, May 28, 2007

Some things I've been Kicking around in my head



So, I'm watching a lot of Olbermann and O'Reilly and I'm thinking, wow, there is a lot of one sidedness on both ends of the spectrum. I have my own views on things and I believe that they're pretty logic based all and all.

I mean, honestly, O'Reilly, what in the hell does a person's immigrant status have to do with a DUI? The fact of the matter is this, if you are drunk and you are driving then you should pay a penalty. I do agree that a major immigrant reform should occur, but that doesn't mean that an illegal is a worse person for a fatality involved DUI than a citizen is. They are both dog shit in my eyes. ^^^case in point^^^

Obermann, I respect the fact that you don't like O'Reilly, but get some more material.

I do think that illegals should be more closely tracked and that they should speak English if they want to gain citizenship. I do not trust vehicles with Mexico plates since the operator usually doesn't have insurance and isn't the best driver to begin with. And for those that think that's a stereotype - it is! Stereotypes have a basis in situations that have happened repeatedly before and have a likelihood of happening again. That doesn't mean that all illegals are uninsured or bad drivers, it just means that history shows higher trends for that to be true.

Rappers are rappers, they are entertainers and do not need to be censored or held as evil people because of their lyrics. I think of horrible shit all day long and quite often I share my ideas with friends of mine, and believe me when I tell you that the things I say are far worse than anything a rapper could say. Leave it be. All the people out there fighting the horrible rappers and the influence they have on their children should start focusing on raising their kids and not having witch hunts on entertainers.

The Iraq war has many different sides and ideas surrounding it. People have the right to support it, or to rally against it. To all people that feel that their opposing side is wrong and that their opinion is unamerican, know this - I was one of those troops that did my time over in Iraq, involved in a war that I didn't and still do not understand, but I did my job because that is what I swore to do. We know the perils that could await, and understand the danger we put ourselves into, because that is our job. More than anything in the world, I want people to be able to express their opinions on the subject, whether I agree with it or not, because that is what America really is about; being able to express ones ideas through free speech.

You do not have to support the war, but never stop supporting our troops. We go forward to fight whether we agree with the political situation guiding the choice for war or not, because we swore to do it.

Al Sharpton and O'Reilly are both racist in there own rights. Face it - Sharpton likes to blame white people for issues and O'Reilly like to blame illegals for everything. (I'm pretty sure he doesn't like black folks either, he just doesn't come out and say it)

I'll take affirmative action if you give it to me, but I think it's a bunch of bullshit. Poor people of all colors should be allowed opportunity just as people with money are given opportunity. Deal with the issue at hand and it is not always race. I understand that as a majority, people of color are stuck in lower paying jobs and poverty stricken neighborhoods, but I've seen plenty of minorities with money also. So, give the money to those that need it regardless of race, color, creed, religion, etc...

If rappers are so horrible, then why don't we have a witch hunt for Emo-rock bands? I mean, those kids that listen to them are sitting at home cutting themselves, crying into pillows, while applying eyeliner and black nail polish.

OK, that's out of my system now.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Boobies is good




I enjoy nice asses. Legs are great. Teeth are so very important.




But I definitely loves me some boobies. All you need are a handful, but more than that never hurts.





Nipples are not allowed to be too fucked up on them either. Bologna nipples are OK only if the titty is huge. Tiny nipples are never really cool because they look like dude nips. The perfect nip would probably be a half dollar size.










Ahh, Boobies.





Friday, May 25, 2007

Thursday, May 24, 2007

I want my Fucking Checking features!!!!

Take heed, O' cockmonkeys of management. I want the ability to access my checking features at my bank. I don't care if I've had a bankruptcy, that is a legal filing. Don't take away my ability to conduct business. Keep it up and you'll find me butthole naked standing on a roof, covered in K-Y jelly and Alpo, with a high powered rifle, and a diaper on my head, just to make my point. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!


Or I'll write a really angry letter.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Death to Utah

Because I am a grudge holder I will now have a vendetta against Utah. Their basketball team knocked my beloved Warriors out of the playoffs. Fuck them.

So here are some reasons I have found on the internet on why Utah sucks.

1.Utah does not even have a baseball or football team.
2.Utah specializes in "milk and cookie" parties!!!!
3.Utah media seems to concentrate on crime in other states(especially California) when it occurs 700 miles away from them?
4.Utah has a basketball team that can never, EVER win a championship title!!!!
5.Utah used to be submerged under a disgusting stinky body of water called Lake Bonneville!!!!
6.Utah has more methamphetamine labs per capita than any other state!!!!
7.In Utah you have to slow down to about 10mph when driving over train tracks or else you'll have to get your alignment fixed.Thats EVERY train track in the city!!!
8.People in Utah blame all their problems on Californians...with this attituse they will never solve their problems!!!!!!
9.Utah is one of the only states that puts an exclamation mark after it's name on their license plates.Utah! Like it's something special.
10.People in Utah county actuall think 2 people holding each other(in Titanic) is Sexually Explicit!!!!!!
11.Beer containing 3.2% alcohol content
12.Liquor, wine and full-strength beer must be bought through a state-owned liquor store. WTF!!!
13. Highway signs that look like beehives.
14. They have a state cooking pot, the "Dutch Oven". I thought that was when you farted under the covers then pulled them over your girlfriends head.
15.Levan, is "navel" spelled backwards. It is so named because it is in the middle of Utah.
16.The television series "Touched by an Angel" is filmed in Utah.

Fuck Utah.

(in time this feeling may pass, but no time soon)

Tick Tock

What does that mean? Most folks would probably guess it was a clock or something of that sort. Apparently it means a warning that you are going to have a bone broken soon.

A few years back my brother was renting a house in Tracy CA, and he inherited a 1970's model RV (piece of shit). He also had a roommate. This roommate decided to try and sneak an unwanted houseguest in on the under so that the guy wouldn't have to pay rent. After a week, my brother discovered this chump (we'll call him Andrew) and instead of kicking him out he made him a deal. For $250 a month, Andrew could live in the RV in the driveway.

A month passed and Andrew didn't pay his rent. My brother talked to him numerous times over the next couple of weeks, and everytime was an excuse. The last discussion ended with Andrew telling my brother "fuck off, you'll get the money when I fucking feel like it!!" Bad idea.

Using a fat Sharpie marker, my brother wrote "TICK TOCK" on the RV door. The next day my brother knocked on the door, and when Andrew opened it, my brother slammed a tire iron down on his foot as hard as he could, causing a compound fracture on the big toe, splitting the guys shoe, and a whole lot of blood spatter. "Why the fuck did you do that??!!!" is what Andrew started screaming. My brother answered, "I gave you a warning on your door."

I asked my brother, "how the fuck was he supposed to know what Tick Tock meant?" His response was, "hey, it was cryptic, but he should of been able to figure it out."

Of course he should of, what was I thinking, we all take cryptology and code breaking courses in high school, right?




Saturday, May 12, 2007

man it was hot today


So I went to the doctor this morning to get my "crazy" pills, and it was fucking hot. I burnt my arm on my door, had to drive shirtless, and my balls were stuck to my leg. I guess I shouldn't complain since I've lived in worse heat. Plus, I actually choose to live here. My wife was out with a friend the other day and she looked at her and said, "we live in the middle of a fucking desert. Who in the holy hell wakes up and says 'it would be great if we just stopped right here in the middle of the devil's asshole and just decided to live here', I mean, are we retarted??? It's a desert, that means no rainfall, running fresh water, or cool breezes. My god, we're stupid." Then her friend says, "you know that you're a bitch, right. I grew up here." Open mouth, insert foot.





Besides that, my buddy knows I like monkeys. He has been doing some design stuff at school (yup, even old guys go to school). This is a project he did.
Now that's good stuff.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

I can say whatever I want

I just had an epiphany that I can pretty much write whatever I'd like on this blog since it's mine. So here are some things I seem to say quite often:

"Stop drinking, so we can get our fuck on"

"Is it supposed to be that color"

"I didn't eat corn"

"Your mother's probably a hairy whore"

"So, do you ever tongue dart the fart hole?"

"Fuckstick"

"Stop being a penis sheath"

"Make sure when you beat off that you camel clutch it"

"She likes it when they're clean shaven"

"You probably don't suck dick. But I bet you gargle the cock"

"Never say you're gay to get relieved of active duty; say that you have sex with animals, they'll never ask you to prove it."

"That bitch had dingle berries on her thong"

Monday, May 7, 2007

quick thought

Do chickens think that they're delicious???

Sunday, May 6, 2007

redecorating time

I have a man room. It's small but I love it. I've got one of those LuvSac's in it, you know, the huge bean bag thing stuffed with memory foam. I also got the PS2 and GameCube in it. My stereo with the iPod connection is in there also. I have sports memorabilia from the Giants and Niners on my walls, some pics of me in Iraq, a poster of Brooke Burke, and a homer simpson plaque. But there's something missing. I don't have real porn on my walls because I have young kids in the house. I will soon remedy this by hanging up Pictures from National Geographic. Those African tribal women with the long pancake titties flappin around in the wind. So naturally hot. Then I'll have topless hoes, but it will be educational for the kids. Talk about a win-win situation.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

This is what I heard

My nephew works at a county jail. His co-workers are cool folks. This is what I actually heard betwee my nephew and his other co-worker.


"So I had a really weird dream last night."


"Oh, oh. Was it the one where your laying on your bed and there's a midget standing over you throwing pickles?"


"No, not that one."