Friday, June 29, 2007

PORN XXX

here you go pervs. I don't usually post things like this. but what the hell.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

this issue with the wrestler

So, Chris Benoit is suspected of killing his wife, kid, and then himself. That's pretty fucked. But what's worse is that the majority of mainstream wrestling watchers are mourning his death and proclaiming what a great champ he was. Listen here folks, if I ever killed my family and then offed myself, I doubt if the world would be singing my praises. People would here about how I was a sick bastard with no soul, not what a great NCO I was during active duty or the awesome dispatch job I did with a trucking company. Oh no. This is America, and while I love my country with all my heart, it seems that the average citizen is becoming more enthralled with television and public opinion than realizing blatant truth standing right before their eyes. It doesn't matter if Benoit was a great wrestler, he murdered his family. Cry for them, than cry for him because of what he did and hope that one day we can understand what possessed him to perform that act. But don't give him praise. That's just retarted.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Work ..................... again

I have decided. I don't really go to work per se. Working would imply doing something physical in my mind and personal opinion. I talk on phones all day. This is not a job, it is a hinderance that blocks me from my typical daily activities while supplying me and my family some money. It is an 8 hour obstacle between me and video games, sex, beer, and sleep. I can get past that obstacle.

Here I pretend to be occupied by holding a ring in my teeth between calls

ha ha... that's humerous



a meerkat with his balls and dilweenis hanging out. Fucking' Funny!!!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

I deal with really dumb people

So, at this job I have I deal with a lot of young enlisted troops. The reality of the situation is this, a lot of them are just really dumb. I'm not saying that they'll always be dumb, but they sure as hell are right now. I get aggravated at times, but I do understand that I was also dumb when I was a fresh, young troop.

Civilians don't seem to want to accept this reality. For some reason the average civilian that I work with wants to put a G.I. on a pedestal. That shouldn't be the case. I still hang out with a lot of my active duty friends, the same ones I had when I was active. We (or they) are just normal people doing an other than normal job. Just like all jobs and careers, there are going to be some dumb asses. Airman Retardo or PFC Dickless from Podunk Arkansas sounds like an idiot for a reason, he is one. For now. Given time, he will morph into a solid troop with a functional frontal lobe, but for now he's a mumbling fuck off that can't puke out a whole sentence. A lot of them are 18 - 19 years old, just out of high school, with hardly any life experience. Guess what ladies and gentlemen, that's a stupid kid. When I go out somewhere and I see 18 and 19 y/o's I usually say to myself, "fucking stupid kids, just shut the fuck up already". The only difference is that the troop will learn quicker, and have a lot more responsibility, so god bless them.

I love all my troops out there for what they're doing, but that doesn't mean I have to like them all.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

To the makers of a "certain" Ammunition


I have a friend that would like a refund on three rounds of ammunition that he has purchased and your product has not stood up to basic use. Of the three rounds fired not a single one caused death immediately upon striking the intended target.

A few years back he had a gun drawn on him by his brother and he defended himself by shooting his sibling squarely center mass. His brother lived, be it rather shook up and shitting in a bag for a couple of months.

A few months ago he felt the need to help a friend put his family's very old dog to sleep the inexpensive way. His friend took his gun and the dog into the desert. He shot the dog point blank and the animal was unphased, other than the wound that was presented post haste. The dog started to run and was shot once more. Two very distinct wounds were found on the animal the next day. Out of the feeling of pure guilt, the animal was taken to a vet and put to sleep the very expensive way.

This is unacceptable. If money is spent on ammunition that is intended to present serious stopping power in the way of killing then it should do what is intended to.

Thanks for your time.

So says my brother

Having sex with a woman while she's on her period is great.

When you're done you can pretend that you just murdered a hooker.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Rude people anger me

I don't like a lot of people. I know this, but I do my best not to treat people rudely. I do not yell at servers at restaurants because I don't know what might be going on in the kitchen. I don't scream at people over the phone when I have a problem with my cable service, as I understand that things happen.




Well, I work in a call center at the moment. All in all it's a pretty good gig. Except for the rude people.




If I am trying my best to fix your problem then don't yell at me. I understand there is frustration, and if you need to vent then by all means, do that. But don't yell at me, and don't call me a liar.





That happened 5 hours ago to me, and I'm still steaming. If you can not get better prices for what you need elsewhere and I am hooking you up, do not be a bitter whore to me. When I ask for your husband to give me some info, don't tell me that I can't talk to him, and don't threaten me with some b.s. line about him being pissed about having to talk to me for 90 seconds. And when I apologize about an inconvenience, don't call me a liar, because at that very moment all I want to do is hunt you down and slap the living dogshit out of you. Possibly take the paperwork I just worked so hard to complete, and shove it through a trecheotomy hole I make in your throat so that you can choke on it and have a horrible scar after getting it out.




But I'm better than that. I will stay polite and quietly stew in the anger until it passes or I quit in a way that fucks up all your billing.




Kidding.




I'm better than that.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day

To every one of my homies I know out there that have taken care of their kids, I say have a happy fathers day. To those of you that aren't close to your fathers, maybe today you can reach out and just tell your dad, happy fathers day. To the fathers that aren't close to their kids, maybe you could reach out and tell them that you love them today. There is too much disconnection in this world not to at least let each other know you love one another. Bury the hate, anger, and animosity at least for one day.

Dad, I'm sorry I can't help in your time of need. I'm sorry that we can't see eye to eye. I apologize for not being able to support your actions. But, I still want you to know. You're my dad, and I love you.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Quit riding Tupac's dick

I am going to play devil's advocate today. Tupac is not a god!!!! Every week I see another tribute to him, another cd with unreleased material. Now listen, I like some pac songs, but he is not the greatest MC of all time. I don't claim to know who is, but it's not him. His entire persona has been blown out of proportion by a media machine that's made him look like some amazing renaissance performer. Here's my biggest issue with the man (personally speaking):

He didn't know where he was from.

He's born in New York. OK. Raised for a while in Baltimore. Went to a performing arts school with Jada Pinkett. Then he moves to Marin City, CA. Marin is not exactly the cornerstone of ghetto thug activity in this universe, but he repped it and that was cool, because every city has a ghetto and every ghetto has those thugs. But then he bounces and starts hollerin' Oakland. HUh?? When and how did this come to play? And then the coup de gras, once he's on Death Row, He starts yellin' L.A.

WTF????

Yet nobody seems to see a lack of consistency.

Now everybody wears his T-shirts, has tattoos of him, and yells out rest in peace 'Pac, when most didn't know him personally. The only ones that should be allowed to consistently say that are the ones that worked with him before he was an "icon". Where the fuck were all these people when he was alive (other than the rest in peace folks)?

Let me recap.

He was good, I enjoy his music, he's not a musical god, he didn't know where he should be from, and get off of his dick.

Spoetzl

I suppose that if I ever moved to Texas, it would be to the town of Shiner. I would insist on working at the Spoetzl brewery, making delicious beers like Shiner Bock, Blonde, and Hefeweizen. Oh, how the glass bottles would dance on the production line, and the smell of hops and barley would fill the air with a subtle hint of wheat. AAAAHHHHH!!!!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Music is Paramount



Without music in our lives what do we have? A horizon void of the beautiful aural soundscapes that can affect our mood. A lack of stories set to rythms that help us express ourselves no matter what it is we're actually trying to say. Music makes us feel good when we want it to, it invites us to let go of those daily frustrations and move our bodies in a cleansing of our souls called dance. Beats, lyrics, melody, tempo, it's all involved in that magical combination that, when put together right, can actually dig into your soul. Years after you've changed houses, cars, jobs, maybe even spouses, you can hold on to that one song that helped you press on through thick and thin. Imagine if you could perform on your school exams the same way you could memorize lyrics to songs. I love music. Here is a list of some songs that I love, not all of them are deep and though provoking, some really have no lyrical merit, but they all mean something to me.


Yellow Submarine - The Beatles
I remember listening to this on an actual record with my dad.

Otha Fish - The Pharcyde
I was a freshman in high school and I wanted to vent about an ex girlfriend.

In the Air Tonight - Phil Collins
Wow, no matter where you are the music and words just cut deep.

Leave It To Me - A Wax
Sometimes I just love some thuggish shit with a dope beat.

93 til Infinity - Souls of Mischief
The beginning of my actual appreciation of the hip hop genre (instead of just bystander) began with this record

Someone's Second Kiss - RJD2
Yes, even a DJ can evoke a response from you with cleverly placed samples and a mood setting rhythm.

It Never Rains in Southern California - Tony Toni Tone
What an awesome groove, with easy, laid back lyrics

Break down - Jack Johnson
Who knew that a surfer dude could write a song like this.

Keep on Lovin You - REO Speedwagon
Awesome 80's stays alive with this.

The Biggest Lie - Felt
A song telling some painful truths about todays world

White Trash Beautiful - Everlast
I listen to this whenever I'm going up and down I-5 in California

Welcome To The Jungle - Guns and Roses
This song makes me want to riot.

Back 2 The Hotel - N2Deep
V-Town Brothers put it down in a real way back in 1992

Don't Ever Fucking Question That - Atmosphere
This song touched me during a trial seperation with my wife a few years back.

Another Brother Gone - Tommy Guerrero
Hella Chill beat

All Day Music - War
That's what we like to play ..... all day

The Thief - Infinite Mass
Great tune by a swedish alt-rock hip hop fusion band

Grand Ol' Waltz - Pigeon John
There aren't a lot of slow heartfelt songs involving the lord that move me, but this is one.

One Block Radius - Black Mercedes
Imagine Oran' Juice Jones song "the Rain" modernized with totally different lyrics and music.

Well, that's just a few of the thousands of songs I love and listen to.

I Believe I Can Fly...

Just like Jesus!!!


He was faster than a speeding bullet, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound - which was totally unnecessary seeing as he could fly.


I'm still not quite sure how they could tell if he was faster than a bullet though, since they didn't have bullets back then.


yeah, I know, every body will complain about this. All butt hurt because they want to compare the lord to Superman. Supe's was a total ripoff of old bible stories. Superman is gay.


Oh, and I believe that the good lord had (or has) a good sense of humor. So get off of it.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Dear Cheese Maker guy,



I have a new found respect for your work. You take rotten milk and make it into a delicious dairy snack. My experience did not have the same results.

My wife and I went grocery shopping on Thursday. On Friday she went out of town for a convention. I took my kids out for pizza that night. Pizza is delicious, mainly because cheese is delicious, and if you don't like pizza you're probably a fucking communist.

Saturday afternoon we decided to go to the mall and kick it. When I opened up the car door I got blasted with a smell reminiscent of parmesan cheese. I asked my kids if they had left some pizza in the car. We searched all over the back seat and found nothing. I figured that a cheese packet had gotten spilled in the back, no harm - no foul.

That night we left the mall about 8 p.m. The car wreaked like old cheese still. Still, I couldn't find the problem.

I got home around 9 p.m. I decided to open the trunk.

In the trunk I found two gallons of what used to be milk. The milk that had been purchased on Thursday. It had sat in the trunk in 100+ degree heat for almost 2 days. And it gagged me. Inside the gallon containers was a yellowed whitish clump of what looked like coagulated semen. That's when I realized it. This is actually step one in making cheese.

I have been cleaning out my trunk for 3 days straight now. It no longer smells like cheese. It now smells like dirty crotchal regions. Not really sure which smell is better, or better yet, which I would prefer to deal with.

Cheese guys, I do not envy your job.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Gummo

Here's a preview to "Gummo". One of my selections for movies to watch once.

I'm no critic, but........

I do like watching movies. I love all kinds of different flicks, be it the biggest blockbusters to fairly unknown indie films. So here's a list of some of the movies I think everybody should see at least once, with a short description of each.

1. Meet The Feebles:
Peter Jackson (from Lord of the Rings fame) makes a movie about puppet-ish characters trying to make it big in a broadway musical. Picture the Muppets Take Manhattan on crack with a lot of violence.

2. Gummo:
An Ohio town gets hit with a Tornado and the backwoods townfolk are shown in there day to day lives afterwards. Hilights include a guy pimping out his down syndrome ridden sister to teenagers, a black midget trying to avoid the advances of an apparently gay drunk man, and kids killing cats to sell to a chinese restaurant.

3. Veteranos:
The Quiroz Bros. from Darkroom Familia make a movie about Chicano dope pushers and the white guys that double crossed them. Amazing racial slurs profound. Examples: "Casper?? Perfect name for a whiteboy." &
"He said Merry X-mas and shot him" "I would of said Feliz Navidad, but I don't talk the Beaner talk".

4. American Pimp
Documentary by the Hughes bros. about - you guessed it - pimpin!!! Look for Rosebudd, with two D's for a double dose of his pimpin.

5. The Enforcer
Jet Li is an undercover cop with an ailing wife and young son. Action ensues. Best scene = Jet Li's 10 yr old son gets his head smashed through a glass table.

6. Jade
David Caruso is an investigator, but who cares, a bitch gets viciously hit by a car and it's worth watching over and over and over.

7. Borat
Hilarious!!! Sexism, hipocracy, teabagging, and all with an accent.

8. Memphis Belle
In WW II pilots were required to fly a certain quota of bombing missions, most never completed that quota before being shot down. Very dramatic movie.

9. Angela's Ashes
Useless father, struggling mother, public housing, and no money. It's not South Central L.A., it's Ireland in the early 20th century.

10. What Dreams May Come
The only movie to actually make me cry in years. A couple lose their kids, then dad dies. They go to heaven. Mom can't handle it and kills herself, sending her to hell. Dad sacrifices his place in heaven to stay with the woman he loves in hell.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Summertime

Damn I love summertime. The grilling, ball games, days at the beach or the lake. Chillin' at home, naps in the middle of the day, the summer movies. I think most everybody loves these things, or at least a few of them.

I'm not sure if anybody appreciates my specific list though. I hope you do.

I love when it's over 100 degrees out and you go to the grocery store and just stand in the frozen foods aisle, hanging out at the mall all day but never buying anything, and even though I love sleeping in - I do love waking up early once in a while just to see the sun rise on a summer morning.

But my all time favorite thing is just driving around. I turn up the music with some old school jams, or maybe a little cool groovey beat, and just ride. At sunset when the sun's starting to go down and you have all the windows down with that warm summer breeze blowing, you have your own personal soundtrack to the end of your day, and everything in the world just seems right.

That's what I love.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Stay away from my door

I'm tired of being woken up on weekends by religious zealots knocking at my door. Don't you have anything better to do on saturday other than try and sell me your religion. The good Lord and I are cool with each other, we already have a relationship and I don't need your group of churchies telling me how to maintain that relationship.

I support freedom of religion - I do not support you harrassing my tired ass as you try to sell me your religion.

From now on I answer the door as my alter ego. I will be Kahmed Al-Jahmed, radical islamic activist. I got beard going and everything right now.


I wonder if the Jehovah Witnesses and Mormons would keep harrassing me if I answered looking like this and telling them "asalamalakem" and professing belief of Mohammed.


My nephew answered my door to them one morning and told them he was an atheist, or possibly a devil worshipper. As they left my door they told him, "We'll pray for you". His answer to that was, "OK, I'll sacrifice a dog for you."


He's a good kid.


Friday, June 1, 2007

Speaking of Violence in Vegas

yup, that dude's a straight nut. That would of been funny as hell if that tourist had backed up over him when he was smashing out the back window. Well, one can only dream.

murder on the strip???




I love going to Las Vegas. The casino's, lights, shows, all night drinking, and strip clubs. But I couldn't help but notice the extremely crowded strip, so densely populated with tourists. I'm amazed that there aren't an even higher amount of violent crimes there on the strip itself. Just think, you're walking up and down the strip, bombed out of your mind on liquor (or whatever else you like), and you're a nameless face mixed into a crowd of so many thousands. I've done that a few times, and I'm actually shocked that I didn't get my ass beat by a few folks wanting my gambling loot. Personally though, if I were to plan it, there are an even higher number of asian tourists (with money) and they move in packs on the strip. Amongst all those people you could probably easily shank a straggling asian guy, take his money and camera, and blend back into the crowd. Not saying I would ever do that, just thinking out loud.