Sunday, December 23, 2007

concerning motive

I just considered what's my motive for writing on this page. Is it to vent, some form of therapy, entertainment, or is it ego-centric? Honestly I'd say it's a little of all that was just listed. I love telling stories for people that want to hear them. I need to unload all those pent up frustrations without hurting others. The thoughts that run through my head aren't meant to be expressed in public, so this is a great anonymous spot.

At times my heart and soul feels like a huge deserted wasteland, while my mind is just a polluted lake of disgusting thoughts. At other times, my mind is void of logic, and my feelings can overwhelm.

So is there a particular motive, probably not. But I do love to write words like "Fuckhead", Butt snorkeler, and spooge guzzler.

I guess my motive is having the ability to put in typed words the "diarrhea of the jaw" I suffer from.

Have a Merry X-mas.

Friday, December 21, 2007

I'm hungry

I get home and there's no fucking food. When I go to work food falls from the heavens it seems. There's always a pot luck, or a luncheon, or bake off going on. That job is full of the good jiggly roll maker stuff. But I get home and there isn't a damn thing to eat on. My dear wife is sitting on her ass watching TV wondering why spousal abuse is rampant in the world. Because husbands are starving!!! Just make me a fucking sandwich, I'd be happy with that. Oprah and Dr Phil are not that fucking important, but if you want to be on the programs just keep avoiding taking care of me... then she'll end up on one of those shows or Jerry Springer. Fuck it. Whatever. I'm gonna eat some ramen.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

A friend lost

I was a sophomore in high school and my best friend was Angel. Ghetto as all hell, he was orphaned when he was born, lived in foster care, and then got adopted by a couple that divorced two years later. I would never claim that he was a good influence, but he wasn't a bad person either.

We did what teenagers do. We experimented with weed and liquor. We tried to get in bed with any girl that would give us a shot. We stayed up late on weekends playing video games and talking shit. We told each other everything, just like brothers would do. To this day, the only other person that's ever heard everything I think about is my brother.

It was winter time when I lost my friend. It was freezing cold. The night before we had been at a mutual friends house watching movies on HBO and drinking 40's. He had been telling me about some drama at his house with his adopted father and his girlfriend. Shit like this was always going on. We walked back to his spot in the dead of night. We could see our breath under the street lights as we shivered, walked, and laughed. He talked about how one day we'd both go out of state to Oklahoma to see the town he was born in, and then maybe he'd claim some land on the reservation as well. Just as he broke away to walk up to the house he lived in, he told me that he'd never have a friend like me again. I told him, "yeah, same to you. You little bitch." We laughed again, and then he said, "No, really, your the best friend I've ever had." And he went inside.

I don't know what happened with him for the next 24 hours. I had been ignoring everybody as I pursued a female I had a thing for. At about 10 p.m. I answered the phone and it was his girlfriend. She was crying. All I remember her saying over and over was, "he's dead".

Angel had hung himself that night on a middle school basketball court. For weeks, months, and probably even longer, I blamed myself for what happened. If I had just answered the phone and not ignored him, he'd still be alive. It took a lot of tears before I came to terms with it. I've lost lots of friends since, but none have had the impact of Angel. The factors behind it just seem to linger.

I'm almost 30 now, but during the winter time, I sometimes walk down the streets in the dead of night, when it's very cold and I can see my breath beneath the street lights, and I listen for him. I try to hear those laughs that we had, sometimes I even ask "why?", but mostly, I just miss my friend.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Direct corrolation between TV and life.. bullshit

So many times in the news I hear that violent and sexual programming is causing society to act out in the same ways that are being shown because of the influence that television has on us. BULLSHIT! And here's my reasoning. On a daily basis I talk to people over the phone that can not conjugate a verb, use any kind of correct grammer, or form what would seem to be a simple sentence. An example of this was on Friday when a man from Indiana said to me, "What be yo' name? Who is I talkin at? Dis ain't bein' no insurance I ever heard." Oh fuck that. I have a lot of homeboys that are hood and ghetto as fuck, but at least I can understand what's being said. I use slang just like any other young urban latino, but as I just said, I can be understood. Nothing urks the living hell out of me more than non-talking assholes that sound like their mouth is full of marbles.

Now for my logical corrolation between television and society.

If our culture is in a constant state of copying what is seen on TV, why in the world do we have retards that still talk like the moron listed above? Since the 1950's the American people have had steady access to television, and yet, to this day, people can't seem to talk. I would guess (since I don't have numbers to back this part of my theory) that about 98% of television uses understandable language. Even shows that label themselves as ethnic, urban, and young can be understood by the average middle aged white dude. Unless you are planting yourself in front of a TV for weeks at a time watching a never ending marathon of "Roots" then their is no reason to speak that way. If TV really had the impact on America that people like to think it does, then we should have a nation of individuals that can readily speak to one another with thought out dialogue.

The instances where some dumb ass goes out and attempts to kill people the same way he saw in a movie, or the kid that does a face plant off of the roof of his house imitating "Jackass", are not the norm, but the exception to the rule. Stop judging television and take it for what it actually is, a medium for entertainment, and to watch the news for information. That's all it is.

Stupid people will still speak like in-bred crack babies, and really stupid ones will mimic what is seen on the small screen. If TV influenced us like we believe it does... well... we'd all be pretty well spoken murderers that dive through plate glass windows while wielding two pistols. Or something like that.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

These are a few of the horrible things

I had an experience the other night at a friends house that I won't soon forget. Amazingly it ranks on a growing list of simple non-life threatening experiences that I actually wish I could forget about.

We were the last ones at our friends house for a party and we started talking about different things we had seen that were just fucked up.

I told them about a porn movie my brother had, which he had me watch a certain scene. The scene was a "female" midget getting banged out by some 18 y/o Puerto Rican kid. I say female in quotes because she looked like a post-op tranny, and you could even see the look of disgust on the kids face as he fucked her. It grossed me out. When I asked my brother why he had me watch this, his simple answer was that if it was burned into his mind, then I should suffer also.

Then I talked about a second film clip. It was when a troop of mine thought that I'd have a laugh watching a midget film clip that he had edited on his computer. It was Bridget "the midget" Powerz getting banged by some dude with a greasy 70's haircut and pedophile 'stache. About 10 seconds in my buddy had replaced the original sound on the movie with the Tenacious D song "fucking her gently". I thought it was pretty funny. Then at the end it took a turn for the worse. The Tenacious D song ended and the original sound came back in. 70's dude pulls out and nuts on Bridgets face.... leans over..... and whispers, "Jesus will forgive you." WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

And the one I know is fucked up but it didn't really bother me at all, was a message I was sent by my buddy that was stationed in Korea. He sent me a video of a quadrapalegic amputee (no arms or legs) getting fucked silly.

Not to be upstaged at his house, our friend asks if we've ever seen "The Cup Chicks". I said no, and he insisted we watch this, because it was so fucked up. I figured, "what the hell, at least I know it's gonna be fucked up, so why not". So we all go upstairs to the computer and he starts to play it. Two chicks stripping topless and sucking each others titties. I'm thinking this isn't that bad, then it happens. Cut Scene. Straight to one girls asshole --- and the other one is holding a cup. *Gag* She shits in the cup, and fills it. Then it gets even worse. The camera pans backwards and they both start eating it like a fucking snow cone. *Gag, cough, vomit, Gag* My wife starts gagging, which makes her friend start gagging, which makes my wife run outside and vomit. And then I couldn't stop laughing. For 45 minutes straight I laughed, and gagged, and laughed some more.