Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Fuck 2008

Shitty job, shitty economy, shitty politics, fuckin doctors telling me what I have going on that'll kill me, fuckin wars that make no sense (still), gay ass gas prices, not being able to say "gay" without getting sued, not being able to make gay jokes, really shitty music on the radio.

Only good part of 2008........ summer movies. Not all of them, but there were a few.

Step-Brothers
Pineapple Express
Dark Knight
Iron Man
Tropic Thunder

Yeah, that's about it.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

'Tis the Season

Although I love Thanksgiving the most as far as holidays go (and don't give me a bunch of bullshit about Pilgrims killing Indians because I already know that), I do love me some Xmas time. I enjoy giving gifts to the kids and wife, and seeing how little they usually think of me, but it's all good because I get fed again, just like on Thanksgiving. It's also the time to remember our Lord and Saviour, Jesus. Believe it or not, I do go to church nearly every weekend, including christmas eve to pay homage to the actual reason for the holiday. I know it has it's pagan parts, like the tree being from the celebration of Saturnalia and presents being left by a giant pedophile in a red suit, but who cares. I don't know Jesus' real birthday, so I'll go with December 25th and be happy about it, and since he represented the start of the new testament, I think it's only fitting that we remember that eventually this will all come to an end, just read Revelations.........

ARMAGEDDON!!!!!!

That's why for Christmas this year, in order to spread peace on earth, I want guns. Lots and lots of firearms. And a barrel of napalm. Nothing keeps peace in tact like fully automatic crew serve weapons (believe me, I should know). I'm preparing for the end of days by ensuring I have a fully stocked armory to fight against the undead and the wave after wave of heathen looters that devolve back to animalistic survival tactics.

I know that this post suddenly took a turn for the worse, but fuck it, it's the only way to rationalize what I want for xmas.

Poetry time

The Ball

The Ball is Red

I roll the Ball

It has rolled away.

I am Sad.

(slow snapping of fingers)


This poem originally recited by my nephew Roberto Gonzalez. No oohs and aahs, this fucker is 21 years old.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Reading books gives inspiration

I saw a book using cute baby animals to deliver horrible news such as, "Grandma's Dead" and "I'm Banging your wife". I have now made my own versions.







Sunday, December 7, 2008

Live football day


Getting ready to leave.


The tailgating.


Outside the stadium.



The Ceiling was open on this day.





We may be at a Cardinals game, But we're 49ers through and through.









My Neighbor. Leo.





Fire makes anything better.






Hotdogs, beer, and soda. That makes any game perfect.






The Turtle.



The Wife and I.




Hooker Referees. I think these bitches were jailbait.



Time to celebrate after the game with more drinks.




And since it's Xmas time, we all hung out in front of the big tree by the stadium.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Boredom and free time

We went out again. But before I hit the bars, I hit the tattoo parlor, because I have nothing better going on in my life. This is what I got done.











Then I went home and beat my kid into the floor for not getting me a beer quick enough.
just kidding, but it looks real. lol.

The Epiphany

My brother has a mind that doesn't always turn off, even while sleeping. He woke up in a cold sweat three nights ago to realize, as he put it, "I don't think I like Will Smith's acting style."

Then he went back to bed.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

My mom and her moving habit

My mother is addicted to moving. My brother and I came to this conclusion years ago. I went to 14 schools in less than 12 years because of this. All of my family has had to deal with this crap though, not just him and I. I've got younger siblings that have gone through it too, and continue to. The only reason this even comes up today (Thanksgiving Day), is because my cousin asked me for her address and I couldn't give it to her...... because my mom just moved again. She moved an entire 9 miles down the road. I don't know why, nor do I want to. It's not humorous either. It might be funny if there was some weird circumstance that caused it, but there isn't. I've tried to give a backstory to it, you know, that maybe she killed a man and she's been on the run for the last 25 years, but she can't leave the state of California because of a rare phobia that would cause her head to explode. But no such luck. She's just crazy.

So this is the logic that has been uncovered from these life contemplations.

My mother could never have her own sitcom. There would be too many sets involved, and that would make it un-economical.

Done.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Harvel the Pigeon says..........

I am a Pigeon.




I can pimp strut. Westside!!!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

one night out

So it started nicely.....
















But as with all things, shit just got strange:
































And of course the night always ends with someone about to vomit.

































Thursday, November 13, 2008

greatest game ever

Bored with your life?



Don't know what to do for entertainment?



Just broke with no disposable income?



Then play this, the greatest free game ever.



Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Booger, Day 16


I said that I'd keep tabs on this gob of mucus in the bathroom and I have. It is day 16, and it hasn't been removed. Time waits for no man, but for snot, there is no telling.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Best costume this Halloween





Cowgirls and Indians
and the most cochina goes to.................................