Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I got nothing

I saw this license plate at a Gordon Biersch out here in AZ. I thought it was pretty funny, so did my nephew.

Then I drank this.

I had nightmares later on that night that my younger brother was shot in the face and killed. Fuckin' horrible since my brother and I are pretty close. So I called him the next afternoon to report what had gone through my head. The conversation went like this.

Me: "Hey fucker, my psychic powers were working last night."

Brother: "Really, what was it?"

Me: "I had a horrible dream"

Brother: "Oh fuck, did I DIE??"

Me: "Yeah man, you did."

Brother: "Did I get shot in the face?"

Me (shocked at this comment): "You did, that's what really made it fucked up."

Brother: "Who shot me? Was it a black dude, mexican, or an Iranian?"

Me (totally dumbfounded now) : "It was an Iranian guy, and he shot you with an AK."

Brother: "Well, it's settled then, I'm not going to follow my scheduled route today. Why'd you wait so fuckin' long to tell me? I was almost ready to leave the house, you could have called this morning."

He took a different route then he had originally planned, making his girlfriend run his original errands such as paying the rent, picking up at the cleaners, etc... He kept his eyes peeled for Iranians with AK's and was happy to report that night that he was still alive and had not been shot in the face. He credits his still being here with my insight and psychic powers.

Friday, July 4, 2008

still livin'...... barely

Woo hoo, over one month and no post. I suck at this shit. My old lady and kids have been gone for 3 weeks, gone to the bay area to see the fam bam. I am bored as shit. I think I have a drinking problem. I've been going to bars and pubs and drinking by myself, and then buying beer at the store to go back home and.. ready for this... drink by myself. I'm doing it out of boredom though. For the first 4 days the family was gone, I was tugging my root 3 times a day, watching a whole lot of porn, but that gets boring as well. Then I spent 2 days cleaning, but since I'm rollin' solo bolo over here, that was done and now it's just day to day upkeep. The only real contact I have, for the most part, is on chat rooms or XBox live. And that's when it hits me, I have become "the comic book guy" from the Simpson's. Wow, I am so lame right now. Oh, and as for feeding myself, that is a serious lesson in depravity. I hope every day that somebody invites me to eat, otherwise I choke down a frozen dinner at the house, or eat at work. I attempted spaghetti, but learned that it sucked in a big way. It kind of tasted like unflavored ramen with ketchup. Not appetizing at all. I could go outside and grill, cuz I'm good at that, but I'm just too lazy. I hope I don't become too lazy to shower. I could just lay around in my underwear and let the dogs lick me clean. Strike that thought from the record. Bad idea.