Sunday, August 31, 2008

Toilets

It started with looking up places I had been while in the military for my kid to see. He has been really interested in what I used to do, so we did a little web browsing to show him film from the war in Iraq, training I've done, etc.... I have been all over the middle east, so I tried to look up pictures of Oman, a country that I was stuck at for four months in 2001. And I found a picture of the "Harvest Falcon" toilets we used, except these ones had curtains to cover your shame while you took a shit. Still pretty interesting. Then I realized, "Wow, I have shit and pissed in some fucked up places", so I went on a picture finding mission. Here are some of the types and places I have used. Enjoy.


The first time I ever used a squat style toilet I was in Bahrain. A horrible situation as I ran into a Bahraini military command post asking for a bathroom or a W.C. (water closet). I ran into a little room that looked kind of like this, and dropped a turd, then realized that they didn't have toilet paper. Instead they had a water hose type of set up. I just shredded my t-shirt and wiped with it.

This is the most common toilet I used overseas. Just an outhouse style shitter slapped together by Civil Engineers or SeaBees. The seat is wood, so splinters in your ass cheeks wouldn't be a surprise. Underneath the hole is an oil drum cut in half with some water in it. No real chemicals, just a lot of urine and feces wreaking hell on your nostrils in the heat.




Oh yes, the Harvest Falcon toilet of the wonderful bare base. When I first used these wonders in Oman we didn't have the curtains in front of the stall, we sat about waist high in the air to everybody walking by while we took a dump. You really learn to lose your inhibitions in that situation. The metal trough in the middle of the picture is the handy-dandy urinal.
This is a piss pipe. I only had to use one of these a handful of times, usually at a POL site. I can't believe somebody actually had a picture of this on the web. Pretty self explanatory. You PISS in the PIPE. Top notch.


The water bottle, this is your best friend on a convoy, because you're not allowed to pull over if you need to take a leak.




The MRE bag was a great toilet in a jam. It's water proof plastic material could catch a turd without spilling all over (as long as you kept control).


And finally, this is why those outhouses had those chopped in half oil drums. It's some poor troops job to pour fuel in these things and burn everything that's in them. A truely "shitty" job, even amongst the shittiest jobs.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

comments

Ok, so I have a couple of readers that leave comments that are relevant to the post at hand. Cool. Most times (99% or more) I will let them stay no matter if I agree with the comment or not. But today, I had some really weird 10 paragraph long comment about "power leveling" or some shit like that. Homeboy, if you want to comment some shit like that, just start your own power leveling blog, because I didn't know what the hell you were babbling about. So I apologize, but, I didn't post it. Go talk to a Scientologist, or whatever the hell "Power Leveling" religion it is you were trying to sell, cuz we ain't buying it over here.

God Bless, and remember to stay Gay.



(Apologies ahead of time for any homosexual readers, but sometimes it's just "gay".)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

hee hee

Look, I'm just a big kid. I think some things that are found to be immature are hilarious. I found some old pics from that trip I took to the San Diego Zoo a few years back. So I present to you. An Elephant taking a shit.


Wow, that is an incredible load of shit folks!!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

As I sit here drinking

Well first of all I must say.....




King Cobra and Mickey's are both Fine Malt Liquors. A couple of 40's of those will leave you felling alright. As Numskull of the Luniz said, "Fuck Moet, bitch, that ain't Mickeys to me." Ah yes, top notch stuff right there. So good that my dog will yell at me just to have some as well.



Secondly....


My brother is about to spray paint tic-toc on somebody's door. If you read the old posts then you know some bad shit is about to go down. His ex-friend, who we shall call "asian Marcus" is about to catch a bad one for doing scan-less shit (don't talk shit, i'm drinkin so I don't remember how to spell certain things). Baby bro is about to knock this mufukas teeth out if given a chance. Bitch not only tried to bang out my brothers psycho old lady while they were still dating, but stole a computer and mountain bike from the people that took him in and supported him. So fuck that dude. I was thinking that if my brother did decide to bust this fool's face in then he should go in with pliers, to ensure that the molars were removed with the rest of the teeth. I also said that he should not throw a first punch. INstigate and have him throw the first punch. The Aquino mantra is, "Don't start anything, but be sure to finish it...........violently!!" My wife doesn't agree with that, but fuck it, that's how we were raised.





Third.........


My dog's a drunk. He keeps harrasssing me for some drank. Bastard Pit Bull. He's fuckin useless, as he never even attacks anybody. He always wants to be friends with anyone that comes around. You suck Arjay dog.


^^^^^
Not my dog, image used in place of.




I think I'll jack off tonitght since i don't think the old lady will be giving me any ass. Oh well, that's what my hands are built for, right?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

To piggyback on an older idea

I know that I have said in the past I can't wait for some of these smart ass teenagers to turn 18 to beat their asses. That hasn't changed.

What has changed is the thought of "what if I was to recieve 100% disability?". Then I would be free to pursue this valiant effort.

I think that from that point on I would carry a notebook to write down their addresses and birth days. Then on that day, I would find a bush to hide behind, and I would wait for somebody to tell them, "Happy Birthday, fill name in here!". That's when I'd come flying from behind the bush and bust that little fucker right upside the head with a black jack.

This is where the disability issue comes into play. At that point I know that I'd be arrested, just not with the same penalties as if they were a minor. If I'm collecting a pension and disability, then the family would still be covered, since I probably wouldn't be working anyway. I'd get 3 hots and a cot, save the family grocery money, and would have performed a public service all in one shot. I know I'd run the risk of being sued, but since I really do have a case of PTSD, I could counter sue for the unnecessary stress that they placed on me by acting like assholes.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

In the Kitchen

This is just a quick note to everybody.

You should never, ever, ever, ever, ever, cook bacon without a shirt on. That shit really hurts. Thank God I was wearing underwear or this would of been a completely different type of post.

Remember, I'm here to help.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Swingin'?

No names shall be said here. But I heard that we might know some swingers. You know, spouse swappers. I don't have any problem with people doing this. I mean, fuck it, it's there issue, not mine. I could never do it, not because I'm above fantasizing about me fucking some dudes wife, but I don't want to imagine watching some other dude plow my old lady. Uncool for yours truly. Here's my only problem. Why weren't we ever even invited? It's just good practice to invite people. We all know that one person that won't go out and party with us, but we still invite them. Am I that unattractive that I can't be asked to be the new cock introduced to a relationship? That's fucked up. I don't think I'll invite them to dinner again.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Little Kid

In one day you can hear your kid say some really wild shit, that in his/her mind is totally innocent. Today, my youngest came up with these gems.


In the car he was arguing with his older brother about dogs going to heaven. He decides to put this to a close by asking me, "Dad, do dogs go to heaven when they die?" I am a dog lover so I told him that they do. In triumph he tells his brother, "See, I told you there was a dog Jesus!"



At In-N-Out Burger my wife and I were talking some bullshit with each other when I told her, "Don't make me kick your ass, woman." My son then replies (quite loudly), "Dad, you can't hit women...... in public."





Then at the grocery store walking past the seafood section, he sees the lobster tank and yells out, "LOBSTER FIGHT!!!! Come on man, break those rubber bands and take that other fool down!!!"



Ahhh, children.

Monday, August 11, 2008

I like this one

I see a lot of interesting vanity plates driving around, but this one was really good.

ITSATRD

Translation = It's a Turd.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Giant hot dot, good seasonings




Ever see two gorillas gang fuck a sheep with a missing leg?

To the dumb shits of the world

I never claim to be the brightest person on earth, but I hate you. That's right, I said "Hate". Every time I hear one of you fuck heads stumble over your name, or your birthday, or some other small detail that god has blessed you with for at least 20+ years, I want to write congress and have them pass a bill for retro active abortion. I can not tell you how many times I have heard a person call me and ask something as vague as, "how much is insurance on a cadillac?", and when I tell them that they need to do a quote to get that answer they ask, "can't they just tell me?" Yes, I guess they could.

$3

"NO WAY!!!"

Of course there's no way you moron. It's not like the insurance guys have memorized every fucking vehicle, for every fucking year, and magically know your driving record as well. Go bang your sister, you brainless inbred.

I also like when people have no idea what they are asking for, and then argue about it. At the KFC I saw a man that wanted a meal deal, but didn't know which one. He described it as a piece of chicken, a side, and a drink, and when the kid at the counter pointed it out on the menu, the guy argued.... and argued..... and argued some more. For what I have no clue, but this asshole was screaming that the kid was stupid for offering this meal. Incredibly enough, I saw no other meal on the menu that would of satisfied this request unless it had more food on it (which was offered by the way). Dear sir at the counter, you're a fucking idiot, go kill yourself so you can not procreate.

I apologize, I had a bad day hearing shit like this, and I had to vent. If you were offended by these examples, well then, your probably one of the dumbshits of the world.