Saturday, September 27, 2008
I laugh at disgusting things. Like two walruses giving each other head at the San Diego zoo. Good for them. They're locked up in an exhibit for people to stare at them. I say they should do it more often. And the monkey that pissed in his own mouth, well, that was just incredible.
Even worse, I laugh about shit. Literally. When I hear a shit story I end up laughing so hard I cry.
I laugh when I watch people get hurt. If you say that you don't, you're probably a liar. When these kids attempt these dumb ass stunts and break arms and legs, it's hilarious.
I laugh at inappropriate jokes. Like racial ones, religious ones, and ones about spousal abuse, and even rape. You know why? Because the ones I've heard are hilarious. I'm not saying the content is good, but the punchline is.
Here's something to laugh at:
Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
Because they're ugly and smell like shit.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I love Taco's, they are delicious, whether real types from the taqueria or total knock offs from Jack in the crack. Taco's are great. They fill your belly with deliciousness, and satisfy after a long night of drinking (like tonight).
Vagina looks like a taco. So you know it's good.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
"Mom, we had to feed the dogs something, and we're out of baby carrots."
"How long have the dogs been out of food? And what the hell did you just say about carrots?"
"A few days, but don't be mad, we've been feeding them other stuff".
They haven't been let out of the basement since.
Child logic is hereby officially deemed........ FLAWED!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Here's a hint: it's one of the worst things I have ever seen in my life, and I've seen some bad shit.
To see the whole thing, go to this link and observe the entire horrid scenario as it unfolds.
This is from the Internet journal of surgery. Who said learning isn't one of the scariest things in the world?
Monday, September 8, 2008
Then I heard this morning about a guy that told his wife he had made a haunted house in the garage and wanted to surprise her, so he blind folds her, puts handcuffs on her, and leads her up a ladder where he puts a noose around her neck and kicks the ladder out from under her.
And my brother says he listened to Paul Harvey tell a story about a guy that waited for his wife to get into the shower, and threw a toaster that was plugged in directly into the shower with her. Nothing happened. That had to have been awkward. I can imagine that conversation.
Wife: What the fuck was that?
Husband: Ummm, I thought you wanted a pop tart.
Wife: So you throw a god damned toaster in the shower.
Husband: I slipped.
Tonight as my wife went to put toast in the toaster, I informed her that I needed it in the bathroom for later. She then informed me that her crossbow was coming in tommorrow.
My wife says she no longer trusts me because I laugh and smile while I tell her these stories. And I "evil laugh". MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, September 5, 2008
My answer is simple.
Til 186 years old. I want to be a burden on society for as long as possible. I want to be propped up in a chair and fed intraveniously while rambling incoherently (but I secretly want to know what I'm doing). I want to drain American tax dollars and annoy my surviving family members with my ability to draw oxygen into my lungs. I want to bitch and complain about shit that has no impact on my life or society in general. I want to be able to grope young female nurses, and have them "just deal with it" because I'm so old.
When I finally do keel over and die, I want to be sure and have eaten about 6 pounds of chili. This is just for effect, since your bowels evacuate when you die. Can you imagine the guy that has to clean up 6 pounds of half digested chili that just shot out of my ass during my cardiac arrest? Fuck Yeah!!!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
My buddy Jerome shot this little gem over to me. It's called "Pop that Zit". Fuckin' disgusting, it's got video of some of the most heanous pimples I have ever seen, and they're getting popped. Zit juice and blood everywhere. It almost made me gag, but I couldn't stop watching this shit. Here's the link.
Warning: It's not for the faint of heart.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Here's one of those lolcatz to help me laugh.