Wednesday, October 29, 2008

President 2012

My campaign managers have now built a flyer supporting my cause of Killing the Devil in 2012. Remember America, others may say they'll fix the economy, or immigration, or the war, but I'm going right to the source of all those problems. The Devil.

USA!!! USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!

Monday, October 27, 2008


Ummmmmmmm..... Not enough to be on your license plate. Fag.

Restaurant Review

My wife and I went to Grimaldi's pizza last night. Where most food reviews would go on about every sensation that danced on there palate, I'm not that guy. I'll call it how I see it.

That shit was hella dope. We had an antipasto plate to start with. It had fresh mozzerella, olives (my favorite), some sauteed red peppers, and salami. It was the beginning of the jiggle fat night of the week. I ordered a small pizza with pepperoni. It was as big as a large from a shithole pizza joint, but tasted goooooooooooooood!!!!!!!!!! They bake it in a coal fired oven, so you even get black coal stuff on your hands while you eat it. Who would've thought, pizza that can cause cancer.

I give it 8/10 starving africans.

The Moko. Day 1

Ok, at my job, it is usually immaculately clean. Everything is tidy. Floors are vacuumed, toilets are clean, trash is thrown, etc.... But here is something out of the ordinary that is just disgusting. In the last stall, where I like to poop, I noticed this booger that had been flicked on the wall. It has been there at least a week. So now it is my responsibility to track how long it hangs out there. And now begins, "Booger watch".

Monday, October 20, 2008

before they disappear

LJ the dog says:

"Look at my balls!"

Saturday, October 18, 2008

that's right fuckers

I gotz it done. Monkeys.... wise, scary, zombie monkeys.

It has come true.

Why would you do that, some might ask. I don't really know. Why do you still masturbate to G.I. Joe cartoons that you recorded and then pause whenever Scarlett or Lady J show up?

That's right fuckers, better left unasked.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I love food.

I really do. I eat food from all ends of the spectrum. Low end, High end, fancy, simple, home made or from good restaurants. Food is good. Here are some pics from a short food day I had.

1st of all, tacos!!!!! These are carne asada and carnitas.

Then I had a sope de tripas. It's a fried tortilla topped with fried intestine, beans, lettuce, mexican cream, and cheese.

I wanted menudo, but my wife doesn't like pansa (cow stomach) so instead we got pozole, which is just like menudo, with the hominy and spices, but with stew meat instead of pansa.

When we got home, we watched food network and got the urge for something a little more high end. So we went to the deli and bought pancetta and prosciutto (two different italian hams), an olive medley, marinated mozzerella, smoked provolone, harvati cheese, and a soft herbed brie.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Newest idea.

My idea for a tattoo, it's the three wise monkeys. See no Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak no Evil.

Let's see if it comes to fruition.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Platypus Pimpin

Just to add some more commentary about the Platypus.

He likes his women like he likes his scotch = 14 years old and on coke. Platypus pimpin isn't like regular pimpin, It's extra work because he's always gotta keep his bitches wet and draped in fur.
Along with this skill, he can also burn holes through children using his technicolor laser eyes, and make any leaf into smokeable THC derived canibus.
The Platypus has adapted to his environment through his amazing use of television, making it easier to learn the skills necessary for survival by watching Survivor: China, the food network, and BET.
They are known to hunt cows and antelopes in search of nourishment when the local grocery store is closed. Some organizations have joined forces to demand the extermination of the Platypus, only to learn that once near him, he controls their minds through a song he drums with his tail, while an Earth Wind and Fire cover band does their rendition of "September" along with him.

And now you know all the true facts about the Platypus. tattoo commercial

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Vagina Hand

All it takes is one good puncture wound. Fill it with Krazy glue instead of stitches, and soon you'll have a lovely vagina outline, perfect for pimping out to horny elves and fairy's.

Monday, October 6, 2008


What's the word: PLATYPUS!!!!!

I want to see Too Short do the voice of a platypus on a kids show, complete with platypus bitches doing what he asks. Slappin the piss out of nature show host while wearing a kangol on his head and spats on his webbed-feet.

Or I would like to see a platypus assassin. Swimming onto the cuban coast and taking out the Castro regime with his poisonous ankle barbs. Then banging out some Havana hookers before stealing their children and selling them on the black market to make candies laced with melamin in China. Because he's an evil platypus.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

True news story, species changed

This is my attempt at making daily, fucked up, news more bearable.

Charles, a 30 y/o koala bear came home to his wife, Sharlene, to learn that she was leaving him for a 31 y/o koala named Jonathan. Instead of lashing out, he somehow convinced his lady koala to take him to Jonathan's workplace in order to meet him. Once at the workplace, Charles was able to coax both his mate and the other koala to a back room where he produced a large knife and put it to his mates throat and demanded every koala get naked and that his mate orally satisfy both himself and the koala bear she was leaving him for. When she denied this request, Charles slashed Jonathan's face causing him to scream in agony, which somebody heard, and the wallaby security team was sent in, where they found three nude koalas in the backroom and one bleeding profusly with the other on her knees. When Charles was asked why he would commit such an absurdly henious act, he replied, "I love her and didn't want her to leave the Eucalyptus grove that we've built together." He is now awaiting zoo judgement where he could recieve up to 10 years of solitary exhibit status and/or euthanasia.