Monday, January 26, 2009

What happens when you can't shut off your thoughts

I was driving home, and my mind started going a mile a minute. And it was all about shit that I want to do deep in the darkest recesses of my mind.... but probably never will. It's at times like these that I have to step back and ask, "what in the fuck is wrong with me?"

I get really irritable and angry at times and that's when I start imagining the perfect situations to hurt somebody. Like I secretly wish somebody would make a move on my wife when I have a wrench in my hand, and then I swing it and break his eye socket wide open. I want to ball fist sock an asshole at a bar when he gets billigerent with me, and catch him right across the bridge of the nose, causing it to shatter. The off chance that I could get to break the legs of somebody I hate with a baseball bat or lead pipe. Or if somebody tried to rob the El Pollo Loco and I had a machete, would I have the chance to catch the fucker in the throat with it??? And would I even stop there? My brain keeps going and I imagine everything from pulling his teeth out one by one to finally dropping a knee into his jaw and shattering it.

Don't judge me. I have enough going on upstairs to know that I should never do these things; that they're wrong and should only be followed through in the most extreme of circumstances.

I mean, look at people who write horror films. I'm sure they have to think of shit like this.

I need a beer and a zoloft.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Ups and Downs

I hate this year already. I am miserable with what I do for work, no matter how hard I try to like it. I try to convince myself that at least I have a job, but that doesn't help too much. Hell, my sense of humor is even starting to die. And now I'll be going bankrupt and losing my house. I guess I should just say fuck it all, and accept what's given to me. But I don't want to. I want to go back to school for something like water treatment, to get a new gig, and start this from scratch, build a new life for the family............ and then tell the world to go fuck itself.

You hear that world???? Go Fuck Yourself.

Friday, January 23, 2009


Sleep, must have sleep. Very tired. Kangaroos throwing onions at a one eyed porn queen. Wow, look at how she takes that summer sausage. If she'd only freeze that wart off of her taint cheese. Money's for bitches without money. Beeeotchez!!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration Day

I am sick right now, and I am very grumpy. Kind of like an old man that wants to bitch. So here it goes.

Should this nation have had such a large celebration for Obama taking office? Honestly, we as a country have never celebrated so lavishly for presidents before (or at least I don't think we have), so why is this so much different? If, as a nation we had celebrated this way with Bush, we'd all feel like fucking retards right now. I keep hearing, "Oh, he's gonna bring change". Every time somebody takes office they promise change, no matter what party it is. So why not accept that we have somebody new in office, and make him work for our respect, instead of just handing him everything and expecting it all to work out. Remember, if he fucks up big time, this nation will bite it in the end.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Hooray for Codeine

I have strep throat, and that sucks. But I am trying to be a positive person, and my one positive out of this is CODEINE!!!!! I got a bad cough and can't sleep, therefore I need a narcotic to sedate me legally. Thanks doctor, for understanding that I am miserable and need some hard drugs to calm my nerves. I think I'll mix it with some sprite and vodka later.

That's OK to do, right?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The main reasons I avoid New York City

Every reason I have is based on American Cinema, so don't judge me.

1. German terrorists

2. The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man

3. Godzilla

4. Mutated Turtles that practice Ninjitsu

5. Elves that can control plantlife

6. Alien Invaders

7. Nuclear warhead strikes

8. Blizzards that cover the Statue of Liberty

9. Tsunamis

10. 30 foot tall Gorillas

Random picture day.... again

My last few days have sucked gorilla scrotum so I'm gonna post a couple of pics that make me smile. But first of all I want to remind folks that Will Ferrell and John C. Riley are fucking geniuses. They produced the song "Boats and Hoes". Great song. OK then, some pics.

1. Never buy Sushi that's been sitting in the liquor aisle.
2. Weight limits on clothes, again....

3. Bang!!! Die mothefucker.... My good buddies M-4

4. On the same day or is it the same event???

5. We were going 88 MPH, but nothing happened, cheap bastard.

6. And finally, free advertising. That's a chicken breathing fire and destroying Times Square in New York City, and it's also the logo for Native New Yorker restaurant, who gets my endorsement for the best super mega awesome chicken wings available in this state.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Boycott Capitol One

To all my friends, family, random readers of the usual bullshit I post:

Boycott Capitol One credit cards. I had one in the past and I'll give you a little background on what's happening with them.

Two years ago I was medically seperated from the military. Before that time I had quite a few credit cards that I easily paid every month because I had a gauranteed steady influx of money, a.k.a. a job. In September of 2006 I was released from active duty after a medical board deemed me not fit for duty because of recurring medical problems. I was given one months notice and found myself jobless. Suddenly I was scrambling to pay bills with less than a third of what my usual pay was while active duty. Being that I didn't want to be the typical sell out that just files bankruptcy, I called a debt consolidation company and was promptly put on a plan to help relieve my suddenly overwhelming debt. I have to date cleared about 4 very hefty debts. Unfortunately, Capitol One is not one of these companies that recognizes financial hardship suffered by our medically seperated veterans. My wife and I each had a credit card with them. Our debt that had accumulated equaled roughly $4600 for her, and $5200 for me. Our debt team tried repeatedly to reach them to negotiate either a settlement or a payment plan, but with no luck. In the last few months I have had to file with local courts because the company has decided to sue us, being as we're home owners and all (my disability pays my mortgage). Today we went to a pre-trial hearing where we thought we'd be able to finally work out a payment plan.................................................

And that's when the "oh shit" meter went off the chart. The lawyer sent to "negotiate" told us that my wifes debt wasn't $4600, but now ran $9800 because Capitol One doesn't deal with third parties, therefore our interest rate had compounded and late fees had been added. I agreed that we did owe the $4600 but that there is no way in hell I'm paying damn near double just because the company refused to talk with me until now. The lawyer went on to state that it was our fault because we used the card and signed a contract, therefore we are liable for all charges and interest accrued. WOW!!!!

Ok, I understand contracts are binding, I'm not arguing that. But at what point did it become alright to post direct blame like that? As I said, when I was in the employment of the United States Air Force, I paid that bill like clockwork, along with all of my others. So, what I am to understand is that if I use the card, like the company wants because it's how they earn interest on purchases, it is fine, but, do not get injured while serving your country as now you have become a liability that they will not associate with unless it is to sue you for an astronomical amount that you can not afford. WOW!!!

So here is what I am left with, I can

a. Settle straight up for 75% of the total amount (7350 for my wifes card) of which they want it all in full, and unless I rob a bank, it ain't gonna happen.

b. Go on a payment plan for around $75 a month, but the entire $9800 would have to be paid (that would take just less than eleven years)

c. Go Bankrupt

Banks have recieved a huge bailout from our government, to go back into the business of lending money that they do not have to begin with, causing us to pay these interest rates and late fees, which in turn allows them to loan more, causing us to pay more, on and on, etc... etc... I am a working, productive member of society and I would like to know if I deserve a bailout. My mistake wasn't done with malice, nor was it used to gain profit. I made the mistake of assuming that I would have a guaranteed job in our armed forces until I decided to retire, and it didn't happen. For this I am being sued by a company with billions of dollars in assets, who will not bend to the common man that is not trying to avoid payment of a debt, but just asks for some understanding, time, and to pay back what is actually owed - not an inflated idea of entitlement.

My ulcers are acting up again, because this is just part one of a two part fiasco. I still have to go to court for my credit balance in March.

In closing.

Fuck you Capitol One, I hope that everybody that uses your services stops paying you abruptly so that you can lose any liquid assets your company holds and you can go the way of all the other failed banks.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

2009, Day one

The realization of the suckiness that will be 2009 is setting in. I had nothing to do, except to update and transfer music from my wifes old iPod to her new one. My body hurts, and I'm hungover. I attempted to talk like a pirate all day long, but that just proved to piss off my wife. Nothing of importance seemed to happen on the news, but everybody kept talking about "it's a new year!!!" No shit, that usually happens on the 1st of January each year. My New years resolution was to not plan a resolution. So far, so good. I'm tired, and although I want to be happy, I just seem to stay angry at the stupidity of people. Fuck people. I am cutting back on my drinking, not as a resolution, but because I've been hungover for 3 days. It makes me feel like a typical drunk asshole and I don't like it.... plus it gives me the shits. I will go to my slave wage job tomorrow, and attempt to be happy, I doubt if it happens, but what the hell, it's worth a shot.