Friday, August 28, 2009

Today I learned some Navajo words!

Today I learned how to say vagina in Navajo. Zuge.... I think thats how its spelled. Its pronounced sz-oo-sh. Oh wow! And Penis is cho. Pronounced ch-u.

A Ridiculous Fear

In hospitals people have cathaters and urine bags. If this bag of urine broke in this room, then i would be trapped and drowned...... by piss.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Terrorists love Taco Bell, too

Al zirkawi eating at Taco Bell, plotting our demise.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Giant bread phallus

The double dong pastry

Little person sighting

Air Force Specialty Code 2T1x1

vehicle operator trauma room.......... I think.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Taliban Time

About two weeks ago I had a discussion with friends at a sports bar about my hair and beard. Right around early 2007 I had started to grow a pretty gnarly beard, but I cut it because my wife said I looked like a homeless terrorist. All my friends said it was incredible and scary at the same time. My wife has been on me for years to let my hair grow, something I absolutely hate doing. I've always liked a nice clean fade on the side of my melon. Long hair gets in my way and is irritating. I struck a deal with my wife that night in the sports bar. I will let my hair grow, but only if I am allowed to let my beard grow freely. All hail the coming of the Taliban mixed with Joaquin Phoenix!!!!

The Evolution so far:





Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I have no true original ideas at this moment

So here's some rambling on the spot poetry.

Run, Run, Run
Fat Jiggly Ball of Goo
Run to the store and buy pig fat
To mix with your food to make poo
You are so fat, obese, and diabetic
But still gay enough to read L.Ron Hubbards "Dianetics".

Wow, that was art right there.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

quick update

For simpler access, the website has changed names from to

This was done because nobody could hunt me down on google unless they typed in, "What does whale shit look like?"

Willy Wonka would be a Bad American

As corporations crumble and our economy goes to hell, I can't help but blame the fictional Willy Wonka Candy Company for starting the whole problem.

At one time this mega corporation employed people at it's super factory and it's many free standing brick and mortar stores. Life was good. People had homes close by. The employees seemed to enjoy their menial positions and fair wages. But then it happened.

One small bit of corporate espionage and the CEO of the company turned his back on all the wage slaves that had built his empire. In the 1970's he commited the first known act of outsourcing by bringing in foreign Oompa Loompas, who worked for beans, literally, to take over all positions at the factory, causing everybody in the immediate area to lose their jobs and benefits, thus in turn causing the local economy to collapse while he still raked in the money. If that wasn't enough, by the end of the decade he had also closed down the candy shops that employed the even more of the local community and pumped money into the same economy by way of business and property taxes. When this was taken out of the equation even more of the city's basic services were cut. All to save a buck and line his velvet pockets with even more profit, while childrens teeth were rotting away.

Shame on you Mr. Wonka. It's because of your business model that corporations today send even the most basic of telephone answering positions to places like India, leaving an even larger unemployed number of people that can no longer afford basic health care. Then these same companies move their corporate offices to places off shore to avoid paying taxes that would benefit the community by providing funds to things such as health care, education, and emergency services.

In short, Fuck You Willy Wonka!!!

So stupid

First of all, The Chad and I have decided that we don't need to go to any other store ever again for Christmas gifts.

While in Gilroy a few weeks ago, I was almost hungry enough to buy these.

This might not seem too amazing, but at the doctors office we saw this lady, who was of normal size and stature, with the most disturbingly skinny ankles.... EVER! I just wish the crappy camera on my phone had better resolution.