Friday, September 25, 2009

Newest thing not to ask that's sexual

Never ask your significant other to lay in a tub full of ice for an hour, put on white make up, then lay perfectly still on the bed while holding his/her breath during sex.

Actual Conversation

This was about the "Real Doll", a sex toy that resembles an actual grown woman.

Person 1 - "Dude, I want a real doll that is like 4 ft tall with pigtails, like a midget."

Person 2 - "That would look like a fucking kid man."

Person 1 - "Yeah, it would be hella funny if you could make it talk and say, 'I'm gonna tell my dad' "

Person 3 - "It would be even funnier if it said, ' I'm tellin Mom! '

Eternal Optimism

My brother just moved into a REALLY big house in the hills with a friend of his that has a grip of money. 6 bedrooms, indoor pool, sauna, gym, etc...... But it is really out there in the hills with all sorts of wildlife.

So he called me to tell me about the house, but he had both good news and bad news about it.

The bad news was that when my cousin went to visit him, he told my brother he probably has mice because he found rodent shit in the kitchen and laundry room.

The good news was that the next morning when my brother woke up, he found a baby rattlesnake in the kitchen that will eat the mice.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Stereotype day at the Vato Mart

One day this won't be the norm, but today it was like walking through a racial stereotype come true at the Mexican super market. I'm part Mexican too, but goddamn, really???? On this day every other woman was knocked up with kids in tow, and at any time a few of them could of gone into labor.

And then there was this winner with the traditional "Sharpie" eyebrows.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Unintentional Porn!

Thanks to Ian for finding this during his travels this summer.