Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Proposal

My friend proposed to his wife on a hot air balloon. That was pretty cool.

My brother says that when he does propose marriage to a woman, he will only do it dressed in a Gorilla suit. He will grab that woman by the hair, throw her in a chair, and start throwing handfuls of shit at her face with the collection of feces he has stored up. Good news though, the 2 carat diamond engagement ring will be mixed into those dookie wads. Score one for that lucky lady.

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Taco Bell incident

Last week I went to Taco Bell in between classes at the local community college. I ordered my food and ate. When I was finishing up I stood and went to use the restroom. But then it got weird.

I opened the bathroom door and saw a border brother (paysa, illegal, whatever) bent over the sink with a straw doing a rail of either coke or meth. As he finished his rail with a loud confident snort, he lifted one leg and released one of the loudest and longest farts I have ever heard. I didn't know what to do, especially when he turned his head and his eyes locked on mine. All he could do is mutter something like, "uuuughghghgh". I turned and left, baffled at what I had just seen.

That was surreal. No other way to describe it. But was it the worst thing I could have walked in on? I started to wonder that very question, and the easy answer is "NO". Here are ways it could have been worse.

1. He could have been slamming heroin while taking a shit on the floor.
2. He could have been receiving oral sex from another man while rubbing shit on the bathroom mirror.
3. He could have been smoking crack over the corpse of a dead hooker.
4. He could have been jerking off on top of his burrito supreme.

That list could go on and on. I just thank god I only had to witness what I witnessed.