Monday, November 21, 2011

I have become boring

I've got nothing again. Nothing at all to say that would be of interest to the outside world. I have school in the morning and I am up typing on a blog that 7 people seem to follow at half past midnight, for what reason I don't know. And for what?

Explosive dookie cramp. I can't stop pooping. That is what my life has become.

This took a bad turn at the start.

Here is a picture of some chickens I hung out with in the Virgin Islands two weeks ago.



and one more pic...... of what Star Wars would have looked like if Jesus had played Han Solo.

I call it "Carbonite Jesus".

Monday, September 19, 2011

Bring Back the Food Stamp

I don't like EBT cards. Those are the little fake credit cards that took the place of the classic food stamp.

With a food stamp, I could buy them off of a junkie for $o.50 on the dollar and purchase some quality steaks and other meats. I would be able to feed my family some quality stuff, and the junkie could go out and kill himself with whatever drugs he could purchase with the money I gave him. This in turn would supply money to the junkies dealer, who could use his ill gotten gains to purchase more drugs from suppliers. His suppliers could then purchase high end luxury items and live in massive homes in the hills. What I am saying is that food stamps were good for the total economy.

My second reason I miss the food stamp is ridiculous. I wish I could have about $500 in food stamps so that I could make it rain at the club with them. I imagine snotty bitches saying, "that's not real money", to which I would respond, "you tell that to the cashier at the supermarket you uppity bitch!".

I guess it would also be fun to tip strippers with food stamps as well.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Penis!

Penis, penis, penis

you're dangly like clay

Penis, penis, penis

With my penis I will play.


(sung to the Draedle song)

Really Mom?

It's been a little over a year since my mother's husband died. At that time, my siblings and myself were her saving grace, her world, her support structure, and her safety net. Oh, how she loved us at that time. But my brother and I knew that it would most likely be short lived. We predicted exactly what would happen in time. She stopped calling any of us kids, stopped visiting my younger brothers and sister.

Why?

Because there is a new man in her life. Of course. A chunky version of her deceased husband. WTF!?!?!? Suddenly, he is all encompassing to her.

My youngest sister is knocked up, so mom was supposed to visit her and take her shopping for baby stuff. Didn't happen. She went on vacation to Disneyland with the new guy instead.

In 10 years, my mother hasn't visited me, because I live out of state, but I constantly here about how she has never been able to spend time with her grandkids. The last time my kids visited her, she put on the TV at her house and didn't talk to them, since she was too busy entertaining her now dead husbands family.

I wonder if the new dude is kicking down money for her, because I know that all of us kids did when her husband died.

Fuck it, I'm irritated. I'll stop before I start filling up more server space with rants.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Been a long time, but guess what I've learned in College.

I have been going to school. A lot of school. The one thing I know I have learned is that our future in this country is............. FUCKED! I have heard stupidity come from the mouths of people once only believed to be possible in a Zucker Brothers movie. These mouth breathers are allowed to go to college, and I believe it is only to generate revenue for the college system, because there is no possible way that these people are going to be productive members of society. Here are a few of the gems that I have heard come from the noise holes of these geniuses. I have given the basic setting in parenthesis before the actual idiocy.

1. (In English class, we were told to read our descriptive essay in front of class. The essay was to be about a chance encounter with a famous person.)
"So, I wrote about my meeting with Megan Fox. So, I drive up to her place, and I'm like 'hey', and she's like 'yeah'. Then we leave in my limo. So, she's like 'what's up', and I'm like 'nothing'. So we party, and go home. I'm like 'later', and she's like 'yup'." The End.

2. (Same day, in English class, same situation)
"I wroted about Vicente Fernandez. He's a guy that sings romantical songs. So, I walk with him to the woods, and we hold hands, and then I lean on him and I smell him. Then I buy some perfume that smells like him." The End.

3. (English Class, we are writing contrast and comparison of music genres. This was written about the political view of a song.)
"Oh yeah, I'm not done with my paragraph, but I started it. Here's my first sentence." - The political view of the song 1st of tha Month by Bone Thugs N Harmony is about getting paid on the first of the month.

4. (In math class, after being shown multiple times how to work a basic formula)
"Well, I didn't do it like that and I got it right, so why do I even need to do it like that." The teacher responds "Even a broken clock is right twice a day, that doesn't mean it works."

5. (In history class, there is no basis for anything this guy said, so just think of any situation. He just loved to say............... whatever the fuck he was saying.")
a. "Khadafi want to make gold for Libya that looks like America"
b. "So that bunker for the president at the hotel is like Stargate"
C. "If you made a company work for America, you'll be assassins, cuz that's like Obama"
d. "Who's that Oriental news lady? Katie Couric? She was stationed with her Japanese grandfather in England"
e. "Did u see D-day? it was Omaha. Or some state, or country, like Omaha was. You know?"
f. "So you heard Osama has pictures, they're at 9-11, you know, and people see."