Friday, September 7, 2012

Working from home

I wish I could work from home. It would save me gas for my car and have time for my family. And it would afford me the opportunity to do weird shit while talking with customers without the threat of being fired.

I could cut oranges with a samurai sword.

On break I could have sex.

I could urinate in a 2 liter bottle so that I wouldn't need to take bathroom breaks.

Porn or ninja movies could play in the background (on low volume, of course).

I could make a list of people to kill when the zombie apocalypse arrives.

I could sit around in a leather g-string while covered in peanut butter.

I could make Jell-O molds while naked, but wearing socks.

Manscape my testes, 'nuff said.

I could play with my nipples.

The opportunities that would be available would be endless. And all of these people that work from home are probably squandering the opportunity that has been afforded them.

No more free passes

Since I'm on the parenting rant, people need to stop giving their children free passes through life.  When people fuck up, there are consequences, or at least there should be.

I see too many parents not disciplining their little angels and turning a blind eye to obvious stupidity committed by said angels.

When a teacher calls to tell you that your kid is acting a fool in class and refuses to do work, then side on the side of the teacher until your kid can prove otherwise.  Stop vilifying a teacher for doing their job, and smack Junior upside the head instead.  America is falling behind in academics because their is a serious lack of circumstances for fucking up nowadays.

Years ago, my aunt's son had an issue that when he wasn't being paid attention to when he wanted, he would drop his pants and shit on the floor.  She put him on timeout.  That's stupid.  It does nothing, especially when the parent does not set any parameters for the punishment.  She called my father and told him the problem.  She then asked, "what do I do?"  My father responded, "Rub his nose in it next time."  My aunt was appalled. She could only respond with, "how could you think that?!?  That is what you do to a dog!!!"  My father responded with a simple, "Well, my dog doesn't shit on the floor."

Simple logic for simple issues, but if we do it, we are sent to CPS for bad parenting, and in the mean time these kids have nobody in charge of them to teach them how to act in society.

I get it, I have a blog where I talk crazy shit, but I still parent my children.  Reading it is a choice, but as a parent, I limit those choices my children have to what I find acceptable for their age and maturity level.

Oh, and bring back failing a grade.  If a kid doesn't want to put forth the effort to pass a class, then hold the child back.  Embarrassment is an amazing motivator, and if the threat of it is apparent, watch how hard they put their little asses in gear to pass.

Stop giving kids horrible names

Parents must hate their children. I keep seeing and hearing kids and adults with horrible names. The type of name that makes somebody want to kill themselves.

Adding "la" or "da" infront of other words does not make a good name.  Also, no naming children after alcoholic drinks.  I met La'Reesa and Da'Felix a few weeks ago.  I also overheard a conversation between two people of which one was named Alize.  I also know of a couple that named their newborn child Zippo.


Dog Food

Daniel:  "So, I've got Jake the Dog on a new diet.  Guess what I'm feeding him?"
Me: "The souls of stillborn kittens."
Daniel: "Well yeah, of course I'm giving him that, but I also give him dog food and add the vegetable fiber left over from my vegetable juicer."